I Was Here ~ Gayle Forman

When her best friend, Meg, commits suicide by drinking a bottle of industrial-strength cleaner alone in a motel room, Cody is understandably shocked and devastated. She and Meg shared everything—so how did she miss the signs of Meg's depression? But when Cody travels to Meg’s college town to pack up the belongings left behind, she discovers that there’s a lot that Meg never told her. About her old roommates, the sort of people Cody never would have met in her dead-end small town in Washington. About Ben McAllister, the boy with a guitar and a sneer, and some secrets of his own. And about an encrypted computer file that Cody can’t open—until she does, and suddenly everything Cody thought she knew about her best friend’s death gets thrown into question.

Book Review:

If you want to feel just as frustrated as our main character, then this is a great book!! Cody is grieving the loss of her best friend, and I feel her pain because I don't know what I would do if I lost my best friend right now. But even more so than her pain, she is angry and frustrated that Meg didn't tell her what was going on, that she barely knew anything about Meg's new life. I also hate how isolated she feels from Meg's family. You can tell how much they want her to stay in their lives but you can also tell how painful it is for all of them too. But that is the reality about death, it messes up lives, it fucks with peoples' heads. 

Throughout the entire book, I want Cody to figure out why Meg killed herself. I want Cody to be able to move forward and be happy because the anger just resonates off of her, with each word. I have never lost someone to suicide, but I have a feeling that Forman portrayed the after effects of it so well. You can feel the anger that is trying to cover up the deep depression that just keeps seeping through. You feel just as confused as every single character. You see as all of the other characters move on with their lives while everyone else has to try and make sense of something that will never make sense. It really is just a whirlwind of emotion, as is every Gayle Forman book. 

I really loved the character development of Cody. She went from this angry and confused character whose best friend committed suicide, to this niave girl determined to figure out what happened, to a bold woman ready to move forward. I also loved the development between Cody and her mom. There relationship was terrible in the beginning. She doesn't even call her mom but she calls her by her first name. She states that she practically raised herself with the help of Meg's family and with no help from her nonexistent father. In the end, her mother does whatever she can to help her. She even uses a computer, which she is against, to book a plane ticket for her to rush home. Overall, their relationship, just like the book, is incredible in the end.

Pages: 270                                                                                                                               Rate: 5/5

Book Discussion: SPOILERS:

It takes a while to understand why Meg killed herself. At first, we have no idea why. Then we learn that she had a bad falling out with Ben MacAllister, and automatically assume that he caused it. And then we discover that Meg had found a "Suicide Support" group online, which is where others help you commit suicide, either by supporting your decision or helping you plan it. That is when Cody discovers the person on the group that Meg had been conversing with and sets out to find him and bring him to justice. Well, she eventually does, and Ben drives her across the country to confront this man. It doesn't turn out how I would have expected really. But, the way Cody ends the conversation is great and so real. She brings up how he would feel if someone had helped his son commit suicide and I believe that he even tears up. 

On this trip, she and Ben become even closer. They were fairly close previously and anyone could tell that there was some tension, but I think the fact that they were both dealing with Meg's suicide, just nothing could happen. But once Cody was able to confront the guy who Meg was talking to in the "Suicide Support" group made it easier for both of them. I was actually really excited when they got together, but when he didn't say anything the next morning I was so angry!!! Then Cody's mom comes to the rescue and that warmed my heart a lot. 

When Cody gets back home she tells Meg's family about everything she had done; about finding Meg's emails, then her online correspondence with the "Suicide Support" group, and then her confrontation with that man all the way across the country. That is when we learn the real reason why Meg committed suicide. Apparently Meg had been suffering from depression for years without ever telling Cody. She had been on medication but decided that she didn't need them anymore. This little piece of reality was heartbreaking because this happens so much. That killed me. I just felt so terribly for Cody, but then Ben comes to the rescue. 

Ben had driven all night without stopping to get to Cody and tell her how he felt. It was just so sweet!!!! I loved the ending.

Favorite Quote:

“I'm in love with you, Cody. And I know that this is all complicated and confused in a wholly fucked-up way. Meg's death was a tragedy and the worst kind of waste, but I don't want to lose you because of the fucked-up-way I found you."
"Fucking Ben McCallister. You make me cry more than almost any person I've ever met."
"I shed a few tears myself last night.” 

“...Sleepovers and dance parties and those talks we would have until three in the morning that would make us feel lousy the next day because we’d slept like hell but also feel good because the talks were like blood transfusions, moments of realness and hope that were pinpricks of light in the dark fabric of small-town life.” 

It's Kind Of A Funny Story ~ Ned Vizzini

Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life - which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself. 

Craig's suicidal episode gets him checked into a mental hospital, where his new neighbors include a transsexual sex addict, a girl who has scarred her own face with scissors, and the self-elected President Armelio. There, Craig is finally able to confront the sources of his anxiety. 

Book Review:

Going in to this book I was expecting a valid portrayal of mental illness because I knew that Vizzini suffered from mental illness himself. I was not wrong. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have yet to really pinpoint the exact triggers or how to cope in certain situations but I feel that I am in a good place, not that I have every been in as bad of a place as our main character, Craig. I was really happy with the mental conflicts within Craig. I loved the backstory, where we learn how his illness developed. 

Vizzini's writing style is incomparable to anyone else. I have yet to read a story with a character suffering, at this extent, from mental illness, that is so raw and emotionally draining and impactful. It really was just an amazing read. 

Pages: 444                                                                                    Rate: 5/5

Book Discussion: SPOILERS!!!

The friendships that Craig had before admitting himself into the hospital, in my opinion, were his greatest downfall. He thought that he was in love or at least had the biggest crush on his best friends girlfriend. His best friend barely had parents and threw parties and did drugs all of the time. Yes, all of these people were smart, but sometimes, intellectual abilities don't make the best people. 

The friendships that he made in the hospital, though strange and probably not life long, were good for him. They allowed him to heal. He was able to face his "tentacles," find his "anchor," and finally eat without being sick. That may be because of the environment and the being back on his medications, but either way, he was able to manage his mental illness, which is all that you can do. 

His family was also really sweet. His mother was a little overbearing. His father was a bit cynical. They both really loved him though and really would do anything to help him. His little sister was great. I loved that relationship. They knew each other so well 

ARC: Hemingway in Love: his own story - A.E. Hotchner

THIS IS NOT IN STORES UNTIL OCTOBER 2015! THE PUBLISHER SENT ME AN ADVANCED READERS COPY. MY DISCUSSION OF THE BOOK WILL BE POSTED ONCE IT IS IN STORES!

Ernest Hemingway always held a few of his best stories back; kept them off the page as writer's insurance against a dry-up of ideas. But after surviving two back-to-back plane crashes, he resolved to share his most meaningful tale with his best friend, A.E. Hotchner. Over the course of almost a decade, Hemingway narrated the full story of his formative years, but the details were sensitive, apt to hurt the feelings of Ernest's wide, Mary, and arouse controversy among the involved parties who were still alive at the time. For half a century, Hotchner was obliged to keep these conversations to himself. Now, he tells the story as Hemingway told it to him. Hemingway in Love is the poignant and frank account of a legend living with his mistakes. It takes you from the Key West to the bohemian world of 1920s Paris, and from Cold War Cuba to bullfights in Spain. It places you across the table from Hemingway himself as he recalls days spent drinking with Fitzgerald and sparring with Gertrude Stein; as he reflects on the affair that destroyed his first marriage. This is the story of how Hemingway lost his great love, and the life he pursued after - one of sweeping adventure and quiet regret. 

Book Review:

A.E. Hotchner was lucky enough to be best friends with the literary legend that is Ernest Hemingway. He was able to ask the man himself some of the toughest and most sincere questions. Through all of the joy that they had together, which is wonderfully portrayed throughout the memoir, come the pains that come with all lives but especially those that end in the tragedy that is suicide. 

We learn more about Hemingway's struggle with depression and anxiety through Hotchner's point of view of seeing his best friend lose his sanity and himself. We learn of how Hemingway ruined his first marriage and lost the love of his life. Then we follow him as he leads a satisfactory life after that with loves that could barely compare to his first love, his first wife, the mother of his first child, Hadley. 

It is beautifully written with sincere emotion. No detail was left undeveloped, unexplained, or unrecognized. It truly is my favorite memoir at the moment. 

Pages: 154                                                                                                          Rate: 5/5