I Was Here ~ Gayle Forman

When her best friend, Meg, commits suicide by drinking a bottle of industrial-strength cleaner alone in a motel room, Cody is understandably shocked and devastated. She and Meg shared everything—so how did she miss the signs of Meg's depression? But when Cody travels to Meg’s college town to pack up the belongings left behind, she discovers that there’s a lot that Meg never told her. About her old roommates, the sort of people Cody never would have met in her dead-end small town in Washington. About Ben McAllister, the boy with a guitar and a sneer, and some secrets of his own. And about an encrypted computer file that Cody can’t open—until she does, and suddenly everything Cody thought she knew about her best friend’s death gets thrown into question.

Book Review:

If you want to feel just as frustrated as our main character, then this is a great book!! Cody is grieving the loss of her best friend, and I feel her pain because I don't know what I would do if I lost my best friend right now. But even more so than her pain, she is angry and frustrated that Meg didn't tell her what was going on, that she barely knew anything about Meg's new life. I also hate how isolated she feels from Meg's family. You can tell how much they want her to stay in their lives but you can also tell how painful it is for all of them too. But that is the reality about death, it messes up lives, it fucks with peoples' heads. 

Throughout the entire book, I want Cody to figure out why Meg killed herself. I want Cody to be able to move forward and be happy because the anger just resonates off of her, with each word. I have never lost someone to suicide, but I have a feeling that Forman portrayed the after effects of it so well. You can feel the anger that is trying to cover up the deep depression that just keeps seeping through. You feel just as confused as every single character. You see as all of the other characters move on with their lives while everyone else has to try and make sense of something that will never make sense. It really is just a whirlwind of emotion, as is every Gayle Forman book. 

I really loved the character development of Cody. She went from this angry and confused character whose best friend committed suicide, to this niave girl determined to figure out what happened, to a bold woman ready to move forward. I also loved the development between Cody and her mom. There relationship was terrible in the beginning. She doesn't even call her mom but she calls her by her first name. She states that she practically raised herself with the help of Meg's family and with no help from her nonexistent father. In the end, her mother does whatever she can to help her. She even uses a computer, which she is against, to book a plane ticket for her to rush home. Overall, their relationship, just like the book, is incredible in the end.

Pages: 270                                                                                                                               Rate: 5/5

Book Discussion: SPOILERS:

It takes a while to understand why Meg killed herself. At first, we have no idea why. Then we learn that she had a bad falling out with Ben MacAllister, and automatically assume that he caused it. And then we discover that Meg had found a "Suicide Support" group online, which is where others help you commit suicide, either by supporting your decision or helping you plan it. That is when Cody discovers the person on the group that Meg had been conversing with and sets out to find him and bring him to justice. Well, she eventually does, and Ben drives her across the country to confront this man. It doesn't turn out how I would have expected really. But, the way Cody ends the conversation is great and so real. She brings up how he would feel if someone had helped his son commit suicide and I believe that he even tears up. 

On this trip, she and Ben become even closer. They were fairly close previously and anyone could tell that there was some tension, but I think the fact that they were both dealing with Meg's suicide, just nothing could happen. But once Cody was able to confront the guy who Meg was talking to in the "Suicide Support" group made it easier for both of them. I was actually really excited when they got together, but when he didn't say anything the next morning I was so angry!!! Then Cody's mom comes to the rescue and that warmed my heart a lot. 

When Cody gets back home she tells Meg's family about everything she had done; about finding Meg's emails, then her online correspondence with the "Suicide Support" group, and then her confrontation with that man all the way across the country. That is when we learn the real reason why Meg committed suicide. Apparently Meg had been suffering from depression for years without ever telling Cody. She had been on medication but decided that she didn't need them anymore. This little piece of reality was heartbreaking because this happens so much. That killed me. I just felt so terribly for Cody, but then Ben comes to the rescue. 

Ben had driven all night without stopping to get to Cody and tell her how he felt. It was just so sweet!!!! I loved the ending.

Favorite Quote:

“I'm in love with you, Cody. And I know that this is all complicated and confused in a wholly fucked-up way. Meg's death was a tragedy and the worst kind of waste, but I don't want to lose you because of the fucked-up-way I found you."
"Fucking Ben McCallister. You make me cry more than almost any person I've ever met."
"I shed a few tears myself last night.” 

“...Sleepovers and dance parties and those talks we would have until three in the morning that would make us feel lousy the next day because we’d slept like hell but also feel good because the talks were like blood transfusions, moments of realness and hope that were pinpricks of light in the dark fabric of small-town life.”